So our wedding anniversary was in March and I was intending on publishing this post then but life happens and to be honest, I forgot. We celebrated our anniversary beautifully and now all of a sudden, it’s summer. Anyway, as we move along in this [hot] summer, I wanted to reflect on three years of marriage because, why not.

John and I have had a lot of friends get married. In fact, the summer before we even got engaged, I think we went to a total of 8 weddings. EIGHT! While I love weddings (seriously, I really do), I recognize it isn’t the most important part of a relationship. Go ahead, roll your eyes if you must but hear me out.

I’m married and I really love being married to John – he’s just really fun, sweet and he instinctively knows when I’m hungry, which is a true talent. Even though I enjoy being married and it was the right choice for us, I don’t believe everyone should be married. I think this is a belief I’ve had long before I got married but it became more prevalent after marriage. Weird, right? John and I both agree on this point: marriage isn’t for everyone. And hey people, that’s OK!

Reflecting on 3 years of marriage

I realize that being married for three years doesn’t make me an expert on all things marriage-related. Trust me.

I know.

We both have a lot to learn BUT here are three things I’ve learned thus far:

You can’t compare sacrifices
This is something John said to me a while ago and it has stuck with me for such a long time. The more and more I repeated it to myself, the more it makes so much sense. A sacrifice is a sacrifice. Imagine if each time John and I had a disagreement, I remind him that I moved from Atlanta to be with him. How annoying would that be? Sure John didn’t move to another city to be with me but he’s made lots of sacrifices for me and our relationship. We don’t compare them.

Put your energy into planning your MARRIAGE
We have a lot of friends, near and far, who we don’t see very often. When it came to our wedding, we knew we wanted to have a party where all of those friends would be in one room. However, the amount of time we spent planning our wedding (less than 6 months), we put that same amount of energy (if not more) into planning our actual marriage. The wedding is fun, fluffy and everyone dances and drinks BUT it’s one day. One day, y’all. Plan and prep for your marriage. I’m glad we did and are continuing to do so.

photo: Lindsay Lowe Photography

Marriage is a business
Alright, I know that sounds really unromantic. Sorry but think about it: there’s a legally binding document that locks you together with another human. To get out of it, you need more legal documents. I used to think that folks who had prenuptial/postnuptual agreements were silly and not really focused on love. Now that I’ve grown up, I get it. Marriage is a legal and financial partnership. Read more on the business of it all here.

Final thoughts

These may not be tidbits that are shocking or brand new to you but this is my short list of marriage reflection. Trust me, there are more things but I’m trying to keep this short. My final thought on three years of marriage is this: be careful who you bring into your marriage.

For that very small reason, everyone and their mamas weren’t invited to our wedding. We were very intentional about who we asked to be there. Everyone doesn’t need nor does everyone DESERVE to be there. If I’m really being honest, there were family members, on both sides, that we didn’t invite. Not because there’s a family feud but simply because – if you didn’t know or understand John and me as a couple, we didn’t extend an invite. And guess what else? People understood. The folks at our wedding are people whom we love, trust and should something go wrong, we could call them in a heartbeat. It’s beautiful. Because how you begin your marriage and the energy you bring into it, is important.

I hope I didn’t bore you too much. Do you have any tips for married folks or reflection on your own marriage?