“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that we live in divisive times. From racial tensions to gender equality, there are a lot of opinions out there. This blog has always served as my creative outlet and a platform for me to ‘get away’ from the realities of the world. At the same time, I like to occasionally use it to actually share things that are meaningful for me, outside of the food and beverage world. So today’s weekend thoughts isn’t food related but life related.

The reason for this post is pretty simple and nothing rare. Frequently, I’m at a party or in a meeting and more times than not, someone says something off-putting. I don’t admit to always saying the right things but I’ve always been very aware of not saying things that could offend people. I mean, it was a very basic lesson growing up: don’t be an ass. My parents didn’t say that but that was the sentiment and I hold on to that even in adulthood.

I was in a meeting once and there were multiple things said about a group of people that was offensive. This wasn’t the first time. The first time I said nothing. I nodded my head, maybe smiled but probably looked very perplexed. The second time, I decided my silence benefited no one. I used my voice to speak up. It was far from easy but I have absolutely no regrets from it.

In my past, there has been quite a few times where I feel like I’ve been complicit in someone’s bad behavior; laughing it off or rolling my eyes but never really saying anything. I never want my silence to be confused with agreement in someone’s bad behavior. Never. Also please note that using your voice doesn’t always been being loud or making a public statement.

I find that correcting the misstep in the moment (or soon thereafter) serves me and the other person well. Even though it’s important to hear what people say, it’s just as important to listen to what people DON’T say; that speaks even louder, don’t you think? There’s this Ted Talk from Clint Smith where he speaks about the danger of silence (the video is only 4 minutes, please watch it). I learn so much from my friends and colleagues and what they’re not saying.

The question I posed in the title of this post is, is silence complicity? Sometimes, I think it is. The truth is, all silence doesn’t equal complicity but I do think the words we don’t say is very telling. The truth is, what offends me isn’t necessarily going to be the same things that offend my friends. I don’t expect my friends to fight all of my battles; that’s impossible. What I’m more interested in is what you’re not saying. The important and most telling question or criteria for complicity, in my opinion, is this: are you by my side only when I’m standing next to you and silent when I’m not? That says a lot about a person. I’ve learned firsthand, trust me.

As 2018 was starting, I tweeted something that warned people to watch out for fake woke friends. Those are the people who appear to be fighting the good fight and saying all the things that sound so good but in reality, when you’re not in the room, they could really care less about your plight.

So, in summary, not all silence is complicity but it certainly can be interpreted as such. Bottom line: our silence speak volumes; choose wisely.